Deep Inside My Soul
by Tuxita
Summary: Sequel to My dear 1stlove. almost 3years aftr her heart've been broken by the death of Sirius, Hermione buys a diary.She's going aftr her love and she doesn't care if she's to go to hell to get him and make him love her. Rate4a good reason in later chapts
1. Love drives me crazy

**Disclaimer: **I DON'T OWN A THING. Everything's J.K.Rowlings, my plot only.

**Author's Notes: **Thanks for all that reviewed My Dear First love, and for those who supported my idea of turning the poems into a story. Thanks to those who are loyal reviewers and those who speak their minds. It means a lot.

Won't keep you long, This is my first chap of "**Deep Inside my Soul**" uhm, don't know if I like the title, read the chap and then tell me what you think of it.

**

* * *

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**Chapter 1 : Love drives me crazy**

A year have passed since Voldemort was killed and his Death Eaters locked in Azkaban. Two years and some months have passed since her heart was broken by the death of Sirius Black.

Hermione never told her feeling about Sirius to anyone. Her life went worse and worse till she found a way to take her feeling of lonelyness and sorrow out of her. She bought a book where she could write her feelings down.

Her heart have hope still. Her heart still believes she will see her love again.

* * *

'Hermione! Wait!' a man's voice called down the hall.

Hermione stopped and turned to wait for her fellow teacher and her best friend Ron Weasley. He was taller now and his red wealsey hair was shorter and brighter than ever. He walked fast to her with his right hand behind his back. In his mind only two things were on, the first was on how beautiful Hermione looked and the second on how she would react to his invitation.

'Thanks for waiting' he said. Hermione just nodded. ' Happy birthday, Hermione.' Ron took his hand from his back and gave her a red roses bouquet with a small card.

Hermione looked strangely at the bouquet as if there was something wrong with it but neithertheless she thanked Ron for his gift. Ron blushed a bit and as if he was looking for words he played with his hands a bit.

'Hermione...,you know that ...'he babbled ' you know that I ...ah...well the thing is that...'

'C'mon, Ron! I don't have all day! I'm late as it is already.' she snapped. Hermione was furious as it was her birtday and to her life seemed worthless.Since the end of the war that Hermione was making herself an outsider, she yelled at everyone and stopped going out with Ron and Harry. She made Snape have a run for his money! Even students called her the "Evil Granger", even the Gryffingors hated her as she was extremly severe and bad to them, though she was their Headmistress.

Ron noticed that change in Hermione but his love towards her was too strong to do something about it. After all he loved her too much since he first saw her as the beautiful woman she is.

'Oh..Okey, ..., Hermione will you have dinner with me tonight?' he asked very fast and very blushed.

With that Hermione stopped her walk and stared at Ron as if she was seeing him for the first time in her life. She knew that in the past Ron had loved her but she didn't see this coming. Her brain said yes but her heart said no. Her heart was still holding the small hand of Hope, wishing she could bring her love back from the veil.

Ron was glaring wishing an answer but Hermione didn't give one. Her mouth opened and closed but no sound came. She was speechless. On one hand she didn't want to broke Ron's heart and in the other hand this might be one oportunity to come out of her misery.

'No, Ron' she whispered finally gaining her voice again. ' I won't go out with you on a date'

Ron looked at his feet and asked why, if there was something wrong about him, he wanted to know if there was something bad about him.

'Don't be a prat Ron!' her temper rising easily as for the past years ' I just can't! I just can't...'

He looked deeply into her eyes 'Is there someone else?' Her mind told her to say no, her heart said 'Yes, Ron there is'.

With that she turned her back on him and went on with her walk.She needed to see Ginny Wealsey. They had business to do.

She was on her way to Hogmead when another shout for her name made her stop and angrily say ' Ronald leave me alone' but it was not Ron that called her but another close friend.

'Happy birthday, Hermione' Harry Potter said from his broom, landing just next to her. Giving her a kiss he asked if there was something wrong. 'Nothing's wrong, Harry' she lied as usually.

'So, Hermione are you going to the party tomorrow?' he asked with his esmerald eyes sparkling deeply.

She gave him a small smile 'No, and don't try to make me go.'

'Why?'

'Because I'm tired and I've plans made for tomorrow' she said goodbye and continued her way to Hogmead and to the Three Broomsticks.

* * *

Ginny must be waiting for her. She felt nervous, if everything went well maybe she could have a life again. She sat in the corner drinking a Firewisky. She took her personal book, her diary, from her bag and started to write. She had bought that book to spill her feeling out.She was tired of all that sadness and goshts haunting her but that was about to end and if they didn't,she would end herself.

'Look the birthday girl!' a red-haired woman sat beside her and Hermione put her things back on her bag. ' Looks like it's working,yeh!'

Ginny Wealsey, her best friend and the only one who knew that Hermione was lovesick. Hermione never told her she loved Sirius but she thought that Ginny knew everything. They talked about everything though never using any names. But it was time to do business.

'Hello, Gin. So, did you bring what I asked you?' Hermione asked in a soft low voice. She drank a bit of her drink and then looked back at the red Wealsey in her front.

' It's all there, dear' she handed Hermione a blue bag and Hermione opened it to confirm everything. She nodded there was only one thing missing but that she was going to get tomorrow night. 'So, you actually going to do this?' Gin glared trying to guess her friend's mind.

Hermione thought for a bit but there was no need for thinking, she had already made up her mind. She was going to fight for her freedom even if that meant handless magic that only the powerfull wicthes could handle.

'Yes, Gin. I think I will.'

'Oh, Hermy!Don't! Please, I don't wanna loose you' she gasped ' I gave you the things but please don't, don't use them!'

Hermione sighed, Ginny proofed to be a good and loyal friend, she could trust her with her secret.

'I never told you who rules my heart, Ginny. I think now is a good time to tell you and I need you to help me once more.' she paused as trying to decide if she was doing the right thing. But before she could say anything she saw Ron walking in the bar with Harry. As he saw her, his face turn red and he whispered something to Harry. Both turned and left. Hermione was not sure Harry saw her but Ron did and it hurted to think that she had hurted him so much with her denial.

Ginny glimpsed to see who Hermione was staring and then she turned narrowed at Hermione 'What's up with Ron?'

Another sigh 'He asked me out and I ...well, Gin, I'm not prepared to go out again' Ginny nod.

'You were going to tell me who is he...' she insisted.

'The man I love was our friend, as you know he died...his name was...' the door opened with a loud sound and both ladies looked upon it but no one entered, only the wind entered freezing everyone in the bar. The owner closed it and Hermione turned her gaze to her hands. Should she tell her his name...maybe she already knew...

'Hermy, please continue...'

Okey, here it goes, she thought ' Sirius Black' she whispered.

'What! C'mon be serious... who was he?'

'Sirius Black' she whispered again trying hard to stare Ginny in her eyes.

Ginny looked surprised, that was not who she thought it was. She thought it was Krum, he died in the war a year after it officialy started. All the Hungarian Quittich team was murdered. Ginny thought it was Krum because Hermione started to show her sorrow and pain after his death... or was her, Virginia, that only saw it then?

'Sirius, Mi? Snuffles?' she gasped.

'Yes, go ahead...joke all you want! I know I deserve to be joked... How on earth did I fall for a man old enough to be my father?' little tears were forming in her eyes.

Ginny felt guilty but it was after all an unusual match. Hermione was a every-thing-must-be-perfect-girl and well, Sirius was more a mischivious little bastard, though with a good loving heart. There was no reason for her, Ginny, to suspect Hermione was in love with the Marauder.

'Did he know of it?' was all she asked after a long pause.

'Of course, Gin! I just popped in his room all naked and said, eh doggy I sure fucking love you, though you are older and I'm a fucking fiftheen years old girl!' she snapped her temper going up fast. But then she looked at Ginny, who was a bit angry with her and she sighed.

'No, do you think I would say anything? I was only fiftheen! He would have joked about it! I couldn't handle it if he did so... Then, he died...he fall into that misterious veil... I started to miss him so much, my heart ...I cannot deal with it any longer, Gin...!' Hermione stood up her hand in her face trying to stop the sobs. ' Do you understand why I need to do this? Do you understand now?'

Ginny stood up as well, yes she understood...she knew the feeling. 'I will help in all I can, you bet your big arse on that!' she mused.

Hermione hugged Ginny tight and only then she asked for the big favour... ' Can you make me enter the Ministery without being seen? Tomorrow night...'

Ginny pulled away, tomorrow, wasn't it Halloween? Why on Merlin's sake was Hermione going to do on Hollow Eve? But suddenly a evil and dark idea crossed her mind. Was she going to go throw the veil or was she going to pull him back?

Knowing Hermione as she knew both ideas sounded possible. 'Yes I can but I will go with you!' Hermione smile at this and agreed. With a little kiss she walked back to Hogwarts.

_'Tomorrow, Virginia! At eleven p. m. I will be there with all I need...'_ she said to herself a dark evil shadow in her eyes.

* * *

**A/N. What is she going to do?**

**Did you like it, Please review and tell me what you think, no flames please.**

**Kisses for everyone,**

Tuxita


	2. The return of the king

**Disclaimer: **I DON'T OWN A THING. Everything's J.K.Rowlings, my plot only.

**Author's Notes: **Thanks for all that reviewed and for those who supported me. Thanks to those who are loyal reviewers and those who speak their minds. It means a lot.

Won't keep you long, This is my second chap of "**Deep Inside my Soul**"

* * *

**Chapter 2: The return of the king**

Hope is the last to die. Love is the only thing that keeps it going and alive.

_Deep inside my soul _

_lives a secret _

_that holds my heart._

_Deep inside my soul_

_it grows _

_and one day it'll run,_

_run away and get free._

_Then, no one will_

_leave me alone,_

_my masquerade will be ruined._

_Shall I never see_

_the day my secret_

_gets away!_

_I can bear not _

_the shame..._

_as my secret is all_

_I have_

_keeping my heart_

_away from the dark_

_inside my soul._

_Deep inside my soul_

_lives a secret_

_that no one can hear_

_that no one can know.

* * *

_

Harry was waiting for Ron outside the Three Broomsticks. He seemed to be late and Harry was almost tired of waiting for him. Then he saw Ron walking towards him with a face he knew too well.

'C'mon, mate, what has she told you this time?' he mocked.

Ron blushed and told him his encounter with Hermione that morning.

'I tell you, Harry, she's acting all strange since the war finished but I still love her...I just can believe she turn me off! I thought she might like me...'

They entered the bar but Ron saw the woman they were talking about and his face turned red suddenly. He walked to Harry and said 'Don't look but Hermione's there! Let's go!'.

'Ronald Weasley!' Harry snapped when they got out side. 'You can't just ignore her now that she decline your offer...look at my father, he kept going and going 'til my mom accepted to go out with him!'

' I'm not James Potter nor Hermione's Lily Evans!' he said ' I just wished I knew what the girls are talking about...I bet they're talking about Hermione's secret love. She told me there was someone...' suddenly an idea crossed his brain.

'No! Don't even think of it, Ron!' Harry yelled seeing his friend's wild eyes and guessing his thoughts. ' I won't borrow it!'

'Please!'

'No way,mate. She's our friend and she will tell us everything when she's ready.' Harry said turning his back on Ron.

'Accio' Ron whispered grabbing the Cloat and covering himself with it.

'Damn it, Ron!' Harry shouted trying to grab it again without sucess.

Ron ran to the door but before he could enter, a loud crack was hear and the door misteriously opened. Ron glanced at both sides but he could see the reason for the loud crack. Before he could enter the bar unnoticced the owner closed the door. Now there was no way he could enter there and so he run to catch up with Harry.

--

It was frezzing outside Hogwarts castle but Hermione didn't care. She had to be in the Ministry before Ginny got there. She had to be careful as not to let Harry or Ron or anyone else notice her leaving. They all thought she was resting in her quarters as she always did in Halloweens and on Christmas.

She didn't like to miss the feast but today she was not in the mood. She loved Hallowe'en but for the last years she didn't celebrate it along with the students and her fellow teachers and friends.

As she walked down the hall she started hearing some voices down it. Slowly she stepped into one empty classroom and put her ear on the door trying to hear who were talking.

'She becoming weird, bro, but that's not it! She looks as she is about to do something crazy. Did you noticethe bags under her eyes? It's like she doesn't sleep for weeks!' she heard Ron saying.

'C'mon, she's Hermione! She's probably lots of homeworks and essays to correct, that's her thing!' Harry said.

'Is it her thing to almost hit me after making her a friendly invitation? Or snap at a first year student for crossing her way in the hall?' Ron cried.

'Well...actually she's looking rather like Snape lately...but who can blame her? We when through a lot in the last years!' Harry kept defending his friend.

The voices walked away and Hermione looked calmly at her watch. Ten o'clock, the feast just ended and now they were heading for the party at Grimmauld Place. She was not disturb by what she heard, she knew she was evil and Snape-like lately. But all would be over at midnight!.

She just wished she could do it right, Merlin knows what can happen if she doesn't.

--

'Ginny, where are you?' Hermione whispered looking both ways of the abandoned street.

Her watch said it were past eleven o'clock. Ginny was running late and Hermione's business could not be delayed it had to be done within a hour. Deep thoughts made her loose her idea of space and time. As so she didn't notice a reddish cat approaching her and the broken glass of the abandoned store. Her mind was going through the spell she was going to do when the reddish cat returned to her human form allowing the red haired Ginny Weasley.

'Hullo...' she said giving Hermione a badge saying: Hermione Granger, Auror . Hermione smiled remembering how she had refused the job offer from the Security Department so she could reopen Hogwart with Harry and Ron. Ginny hagged her badge in her white blouse.

She looked at Hermione and sighed. She had a bad feeling about what they were going to do.Hermione reached the battered telephone box but Ginny grabbed her arm.

'Don't need to go that way, Herms. We can Apparate there.'

'Department of Mysteries, here we go...' Hermione whispered getting ride of Ginny's hand.

--

There they were once more. The archway and the misterious veil...the last time they stood there Death Eaters and the Order were fighting and Sirius died...

Hermione took her bag and started taking everything out of it. Candles, small bottles full of dark and light liquids, small boxes with smelly ingredients, black roses and besoir.

Hermione looked at her watch. Eleven and half...she must be fast or she would lose her chance. She started displaying the ingredients and the candles around the misterious veil.

She stood from the ground and took the black roses in her hands and whispered 'Let's start...Ginny stay in the back. If anything goes wrong-'

'I now. I go away and never reveal anything that went here.' she said shakingly.

Hermione mouthed a Thank you while Ginny walked to the door and sat on the floor waiting for whatever Hermione was going to do.

Hermione started to smash the roses and she chanted ' _What once was took shall once more be returned! What once was locked shall once more be released! What once was hidden shall once more be seen!_' she took out the swiss knife that once was Sirius, she pointed her hands and the knife at the veil and finished the spell _'What once was dead or hurt shall once more walk among the living and the unhurted! Morbilius Renovatus Filius Corpus!_'

A strong white light irradiated the room caming from the veil. The room around them was brighter than a summer morning. Hermione kneed and, using the melted knife she made a small cut in her hand and blow the blood into the bright light 'Arise, Sirius Black, join the living and the waiting'.

After saying that she hold her hands in front of the veil and without even hesitate she put her right arm, the one where she had done the cut,in the veil.

Midnight...the huge clock in the entrance started to bell.

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...

_C'mon it has to work..._

Five...

_Grab my hand,Snuffles..._

Six...

The light was starting to affect her sight and her straight was runnig out.

Seven...

If he took to long she would fall into the veil, she was ruinning out of energy.

Eight...

Her body was being pushed by the moment, slowly ...

Nine...

Ten...

Ginny stuggled in the back...she couldn't see anything more than Hermione in the middle of the white shinning light.Her body starting to give in and her arm almost all in the veil...

Eleven...

--

'Mrs Wealsey! We think that you had enough tonight!' Harry said taking Mrs Weasley glasse of wine.

Ron and he were in the same boring party for almost an hour and a half. It was not the same without Hermione... and without Ginny either.

'What's up with Gin?' he asked Ron ' I thought she was coming to the party!'

'Yep, she was...dunno maybe she is keeping Herms company.' Ron replied drinking another bit of Firewisky.

'Yeah, maybe...' Harry was really disappointed, he wanted to question Ginny out. They barely see each other nowadays. Ginny worked at the Ministry and he at Hogwarts as the HeadMaster. They had broke up in his sixth year and even after Voldemort died, he could take his mind of of her, but he was afraid she would refuse to date him again.

Almost two years went by and they were still friends but they never talked about their relationship. They were always between her brothers and his friends.

Suddenly he took his hand to his heart. Something was happening, he couldn't breath! Heat filled his heart, Ron dropped his glass and shook him 'Harry? What's up?'

'Sh...!' he fainted with his hands still in front of his heart.

--

Twelve!

'Hermy!' Ginny jumped from the ground. Hermione was on the ground collapsed. 'You can be dead, oh god, not you...c'mon wake up! you're not dead! C'mon!'

Ginny ran toward her and saw that her arm was still inside the veil. She looked from Hermione to her arm. Something was pulling her arm. 'Herms, wake up!' she yelped as she saw Hermione's arm being pulled into the veil. A man's hand grabbed Hermione's arm and Ginny couldn't believe it!

Suddenly Hermione seemed to gain conscious and she grabbed the man's hand.

'Help me, Gin! Godness he's heavy!' she cried trying to stand up between the broken bottles and the roses pieces. Slowly they pulled the man. His face was turned down but when the two girls finnaly took him completly out of the veil he started to move and slowly stood up to face the girls.

His face was young and his body was not like it was when he went through the veil, it was younger, it was just like he was in the Potter's wedding day. He was young! His black hair long and smooth,and his eyes full of happiness staring at them.

He was staring at them and finnaly he looked at himself. He was there in the Living World again and he had no signs of his hell life before going through the veil.

He hugged the girls. Even not knowing what had just happened he was happy for being there again. Now he could see Harry and Lupin and... well, everyone!

'Sirius, oh my...' Hermione sobbed hugging him tight 'It worked, it worked!'

'Yep doll, the king is back and is better than before' he smiled at the girls and suddenly grab them and spined them around 'I'm back, thanks to this two wonderful girls!' he smirk still hugging the girls. Ginny stopped hugging him and left him and Hermione.

'Let's go now, I have to go to the party before mom gets drunk as last party...'Ginny said starting collecting the ingredients and all the broken things around the veil. Hermione just stood there still holding Sirius hands looking deep into his eyes. He really was beautiful and hot when he was young, the things he had once told them were true afterall, he really was hot when he was young.

'Herms...' he said.

'Yes?'

'Stop staring!' he mocked dropping her hands. He started helping Ginny up whispering something that she couldn't understand but that made Ginny giggle madly. That made her realy mad.Oh my, she was jealous!

But she was happy though, he was there, he was there...

Suddenly a smile appeared in her face, a true smile like those she used to have before the war.

* * *

**Did you like it, Please review and tell me what you think, no flames please.**

**I shall not update soon, sorry, I'm going on holidays so...see ya soon guys!**

**Kisses for everyone,**

**Tuxita**


	3. Trick or Treat

**Disclaimer: **I DON'T OWN A THING. Everything's J.K.Rowlings, my plot only.

**Author's Notes: **Thanks for all that reviewed and for those who supported me. Thanks to those who are loyal reviewers and those who speak their minds. It means a lot.

Won't keep you long, This is my third chap of "**Deep Inside my Soul**"

**Chapter 3: Trick or Treat**

_But she was happy though, he was there,he was there..._

_Suddenly a smile appeared in her face, a true smile like those she used to have before the war. _

--

'Harry...Harry...' a voice called far away. The clouds in his eyes started to disappear and he gainned concious. Mrs Weasley was walking beside him with a wine glass half-empty; Ron was kneeled on his right side shaking his arm; Luna was on his other side and she was the one calling his name.

He started to get up, his head was hurting a bit 'Damn!' he said taking his hand to his head.

Ron laughed ' No more beer to you, mate!'.

Harry rolled his eyes and Luna giggled. 'Help me up, please.' he asked.

When sat, Ron asked him what had happened.

'Dunno... I felt strange and then, I don't know...' he took a breath ' I saw...-'

'You saw...what!' Luna hurried him.

'I saw Snuffles...he was laughing and waving me...and then... he disappeared.'

'Harry, sweety!' Mrs Weasley was waving from across the room, her glass was now empty 'Are you, (glup), okey?'

Harry faked a smile 'Yeah, Mrs Weasley.' and then he whispered to Ron 'I told you to control her drinking! This might end like last Christmas!'

'Or Valentine's Day Party!' Luna joked.

'Shut up!' Ron was now red. He was ashamed of his mother late drinking problem.

'C'mon, mate. I'm serious, we have to do something about her, well, her little problem.' Harry said.

Ron sighed furiously. He had tried but she was as sturbborn as a door. She couldn't admit she had a problem.She have always been this way... ever since she was a young girl.

--

'Can anyone get the door?' Must be some late night Hallowe'en kids...' Luna asked half-way to the kitchen.

'Okey!' Harry answered standing up.

--

'Who is it?' he asked.

' Trick or Treat!' he heard three diferent voices yell.

'Okey, kiddos' he started opening the door ' A bit late, aren't -'

In front of him three people stood smiling wildly. Two women and one man. Two beautiful young women that he loved beyond everything and one man he thought death. How could it be? How?

'Sirius!' he yelped

'Hullo, godson!' Sirius greeted his godson. Then they hugged.

--

'For a moment Harry almost started crying and almost made Sirius cry too but then Ron appeared -'

'You're not telling it again, are you Gin!' Ron snapped.Ginny laughed and continued

' You should have seen his face! It was like he had seen a ghost! He was babbling non-senses!' she laughed and walked away with Luna and Lavender.

'Like I had seen a ghost! I was seeing a death man alive! Of course I was babbling! Stupid brat...' he moaned.

--

_(Hermione's diary)_

_Help me God!_

_I trusted someone_

_I shouldn't have_

_But yet I did,_

_I gave my heart to him._

_Now his back_

_to haunt me_

_down._

_He wants to get_

_deep inside my soul_

_to know my secrets_

_to know my heart._

_Help me God_

_I gave my heart_

_to a black angel_

_who haunts my dreams_

_who haunts my soul_

_night after night,_

_day after day._

_It's been four days and I'm still tired... After getting Sirius out of that veil we all went to Grimmauld Place and scared little Harry out!He couldn't speak! Ron was the same git as ever ... white as a ghost and he almost fainted !_

_It's great to have him back... I fell must better now since we hugged in the Ministry... Though...he is not really like I remember him... he is...happier...and he mocks me every second I'm in the same room! Okey... I admit. I may not be the most discreet person in the world, I 'm always staring and all but for heaven's sake even Ron can't take his eyes of him! It's a bloody miracle! _

_No one asked how he came back... not that I wanted to yell to the world that I've done it...not really...but I would like him to tell them I did it. Does he realise what I've done? Does he realise that the woman who made him came back was me? He keeps telling he saw an angel grabbing his hand and then when he opened his eyes he saw me and Ginny slapping him (right!) to wake him up..._

_Well, Ginny just giggles at this. I made her promise not to tell anyone the truth or I would have to pay... I don't see Harry fancing what I've done... even if that made me bring his godfather came back._

_But what I wanna tell you, my diary, is that I'm really mad at Sirius and myself. He treats me as a child as he used to. Yesterday I was heading to the Great Hall in my light blue robes, which are, by the way, a bit sexy because they let my forms be seen in their perfection (right!as if!), when I got a sight of Sirius heading for the Great Hall as well. As a nice young friend I called him and greeted him in my best manners, the one's I used to use when around him (I have to control myself around him and I've not lost my touch)..._

_Well, this what happened:_

_I was heading to Great Hall and I saw Sirius, right, then I called him 'Hullo, Sirius! What are you doing here?'. He smiled and walked towards me 'Nice to see you, Hermione. Didn't know you worked here.'._

_'Yeah well I do...' I answered 'Did you came to see Harry?'_

_'No, actually I came to talk to Miss Flavia Rodrigues, the new nurse...' he said with a smirk in his face._

_'Oh, I see...'._

_'But now that I see you, I bloody well ask you...'_

_'Ask what, Sirius?' I asked expectanctly. (I was at a point that I couldn't take my eyes off his body and his mouth...heaven's sake I was not in my best control). But then he blow it all in my face!_

_'Do you know if Ginny has someone? If she's still in for Harry?Or can I -'he asked winking at a giggling seventh school girl that went by._

_'What the fuck do you have to do with it!'(I know, lost it all... but the bloddy bastard was asking about my best girl friend and besides he was cheking some seventh year students that were entering the Hall!In front of me, the woman who saved him and love him! He doesn't know but okey...)._

_'What!' he was really surprised at my reaction, then a smirk appeared in his face 'Is Miss-Know-It-All jealous? Does Professor Granger have dirty thoughts about an old doggy?' seeing my blushed face he continued to mock me 'Grow up, Granger!' he said rubbing my silky brown hair in a fake fatherly way._

_'You wished, Sirius!' I tried to laugh._

_' No...I bloody wouldn't.' he mocked me._

_I played along, I think...I was never good at sarcasm or mocking 'Oh...would mister Black rather date the Giant Squib?'_

_'You betta!' he joked, his black eyes sparkling mischieviously._

_'God for you!' I said still in the same tone but at that time I had some tears trying to came out and I just turn my back on him._

_Will I ever be courage enough to tell him why I brought him back, even defying every rule on Earth and on the Astral Plan?_

_Got to go... homework...piles of them and I must say most are rubbish, I think...this kids, man, they don't even pay attention to a single word we tell them!_

_Bye,_

_Hermione Granger_

--

**(Sirius's diary)**

**It's great to be back! I have my twenty years old body and a mind that is now free of ghosts, well not completly but mostly.**

**I spend this last few days wandering around and doing things I missed so much. I drank with Harry and Ron at the Hog's Pub, a new disco pub in Wizarding London, I hung up with several young ladies for some snogging sessions and I bought a new wand!I joked with Hermy and Ginny...Both of them are now beautiful young ladies...Gins has this long red hair that reminds me of Lily's hair and Hermione has a long silky brown hair so different from the horrible thing it used to be. Great forms, both of the girls... **

**I just don't get one thing...okey, I know I'm hot in my young man body but...this is the thing: Ginny is giggling around me and checking me out...Hermione is strange around me since I mocked her at the Misnistry ...Luna is, well, Luna is herself, right how I remembered from Dumbledore's letters...**

**The strangest thing happened yesterday when I was heading to the Hall. I was going to met Flavia, the nurse, because of a strange cut I have in my chest when I run into Hermione. Chat here, chat there... and then I ask her about Ginny and she freaks out! She starts saying nonsenses about how it has to do with me and etc... And then, me playing, of course..., said she was jealous...I thought she was playing along and it was all, you 'now... a friendly mocking but today I saw her getting coffee at Hogsmeade and she hardly said Good morning! She muttered something and she gave me a half-smile!**

**I dunno! Maybe she just in her 'girlish days'... women get tough in _those_ days! But she's not the only one...they all see funny around me...well, I guess it has to do with me being back from the veil...I don't know Ginny did it but she brought me back...the funny thing is that the angel I say had curly brown hair and Ginny's red hair...**

**Maybe I dreamt it but now I can't take that image out of my head! I need to find her or clear her of my head and my dreams... her and her perfume!**

**Old new dog,**

**Snuffles**

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Did you like it, Please review and tell me what you think, no flames please.

Kisses for everyone,

Tuxita


	4. Weekend at the Burrow, part 1

**Disclaimer: **I DON'T OWN A THING. Everything's J.K.Rowlings, my plot only and poems.

**Author's Notes: **Thanks for all that reviewed and for those who supported me. Thanks to those who are loyal reviewers and those who speak their minds. It means a lot.

Won't keep you long, This is my 4th chap of "**Deep Inside my Soul**".

**Chapter 4: Weekend at the Burrow, part 1**

**Maybe I dreamt it but now I can't take that image out of my head! I need to find her or clear her of my head and my dreams... her and her perfume!**

--

Friday had arrive and for the first time in a long time Hermione was spending it at the Burrow. Mrs Weasley had prepared a family dinner party at the Burrow and had requested her help for the preparation of it. Though Hermione didn't like being at the Burrow anymore, accepted as she knew Sirius would spent the weekend there as well as Ginny. She trusted Ginny but she didn't trust Sirius...not a bit.

So, it was five to ten p.m. And she was still choosing her night clothes for the Party and her visit to the Burrow. Harry was taking her there so she was not going alone at night. They would met at ten p.m at his office. So, yes, she was late but what woman isn't late when is choosing their clothes?

After taking her clothes all her clothes out of her closet she decided to use an old long black dress she wore in her parents funeral but with some magic it would do for the occasion.

She was just leaving, she was just closing her bag, when someone knock on her door.

'Who is it?' she asked closing her bag.

'Me, Herms' Harry replied opening the door.

He was dressed in informal jeans and a black t-shirt. He looked at her. She had jeans and a dark top. She was a bit taller so he guessed she had some five inches heels.

'You look great! Long time passed since you wore this muggle clothes!'

Hermione smiled and gave him her hand 'It's time to move on...' she said.

'I'm glad you finnaly realised that, 'Mione' he gave her a small kiss in her cheek and gave his arm which she took gladly. Harry was her best male friend, she loved him deeply. He was not like Ronald... she hated Ron though she loved him too. _But that is another story_, she thought while they walked silently .

--

(Hermione's diary)

I'm sitting here in Ginny's room, where I used to sleep during summer. So many memories...I remember those sleepless nights...me listening to Ginny going on about Harry and about Michael and so on... We were so innocent, at least more innocent then we are know.

Oh my...I can hear Molly downstairs yelling with Sirius. She's being herself today...I think the last time I heard her yell at someone was before Percy and Arthur's deaths... It's nice to see Molly yell.

I hear her yelling 'Sirius Black! If you touch the drinks, I cut your hands!' Okey, Sirius is pratically stealing the food and the coktails Molly and I did this morning and evening! That was the reason I'm hiding in Ginny's room. I've forgot how much a prat Sirius can be! But I still love him more for that...okey, I hate it when he's being a stupid prat because he's a wonderful man. I remember those days we spend together cleaning Grimmauld Place, we would talk all day... but those days were different, I had a crush on him but Ron was always with us as well so our talk was basically about Harry and our hopes as to the war.

I miss those days...specially that day before Harry arriving at Grimmauld Place. It was the only day I was alone with Sirius. Ron went to the Burrow with Arthur and Ginny and I was alone with Sirius in Grimmauld Place.

We were cleaning the meeting room. He started singing a music. 'Volverte a ver' is its name. 'See you again'. I was startled because it is a muggle music and I didn't knew he knew it. He stopped when he noticed my glare.

'What!'he asked and I laughed.

'I didn't know you could sing...'

'I can do anything, luv' he winked at me. I could feel my heart skipping a beat but then I saw his face. He was thinking of James again... In those months I spend there I could see when he was thinking of the past.

'You can tell me everything, you know?' I said. I was beside him cleaning the table while he was cleaning the wall. It was then that I started loving him, it was no longer a crush but a true fall in. He turned to face me and I saw this sparkle in his eyes.

'I know I can, Hermione' he said joining my hands in his.

'Wanna tell me what's in your mind?'

'I was thinking... how James used to sing this music to Lily when he was going on a mission...it means that nothing could get between them because he would always return to see her again...'

'That's romantic...' I think I was blushing but he continued with my hands closed between his.

' James loved his family...and I was his family as well...he loved to tease me because I sang it in his wedding...I have only Harry now, Herms,-'

'You still have us, Sirius. Me, Ronald, Ginny and Harry...Professor Lupin and Dumbledore...we all love you deeply...-' he hugged me, he was almost crying. It was then that I saw he was more than we took him for. He was a caring person, a nice man who had a true heart.

Then he parted. We stood there, hardly any space between us. For a second I had to fight this feeling of hugging him and kissing him again. He blushed a bit ashamed, the first time I saw him blush, and he stepped to the door without looking back.

' I love you all, Herms.I'm just a bit emotional...silly me,right? Forget you saw me like this', he ran off the room and I didn't see him until dinner and we never talked about that connection, that moment...From that day on he never stayed long in the same room with me...maybe he was ashamed of something...

Thinking of this makes my body...well, getting on...

That's why I think he is so unconfortale around me.

Oh... I hear Ginny coming up. Continue later...

--

She locked her diary, or her journal(as you wish to call it) just in time to see Ginny coming inside with her bags.

'Hullo, Mi!' she kissed her friend and started to take her things out of her bag 'What are you going to wear?'

Hermione showed her old black dress and Ginny shocked her head 'No,no...when are you gonna get yourself a new dress?'

'Oh..I can make it better with magic..don't hurry-'

'Hermione Granger! Sirius is downstairs! You have to be at your best!' Ginny pointed to the door and then started to walk around the room.

She did that for some minutes while Hermione started to comb her hair into a more formal ponnie tall, with some locks falling gently into her face. It was when Hermione was putting on her mascara that Ginny got to a solution.

'I know! Do you still have your blue dress? That one you took to the Ball?' she asked starting to look into her bags.

'No, Ginny, I don't.' Hermione replied applying her make-up.

'Okey, then...I know...you take my long dress, that one I used for Bill's anniversary last spring.-'

'It doesn't fit me, Gin... I'm a little larger at the top than you are, besides it's a summer dress-.'

'Hmm, I think it will fit' she said mischieviously. Ginny disapparated and Hermione was alone in the room again. She looked at her dress lying in Ginny's bed and sighed. Ginny was right...Sirius wouldn't look at her with that old thing that made her look like a old maid.

Suddenly Ginny opened the room and grabbed Hermione's arm.

'Gin...-' Hermione was pulled into Ginny's bathroom and there was the most wonderful long wine red dress she had ever seen. She had her mouth half-open.

'It's a late birthday present...I knew you would bring that old thing but if you want to be noticed you have to wear new things, not that black dresses and robes you've been wearing lately.'

'Oh, Ginny...it's wonderful!Thank you...you shouldn't have...oh, my! It must have costed you tons...I'll pay you...' she hugged her friend.

'No... that's my present for you. You deserve it. Go on, I'll help you dress it'

--

They took a while to dress that wine red dress. Hermione fit perfectly but she was a bit embarassed wearing it...so Ginny had to convince her to dress it.

'C'mon, put the sleeves like this...it has to show the shoulders...no,no... it is supposed to show the back...don't hide you chest... yes, it is supposed to hide your brests but show a little of the rest...you're killing me, Mi!'

Finally, Ginny finished helping Hermione and though it had been a hard work she did it wonderfully.

'Now, it's my turn...' Ginny said leaving Hermione staring at herself in the mirror. She couldn't believe that was her in the mirror. 'Mi, you could help me now!' Ginny called from her room.

'Right!' Hermione stepped out of the bathroom and the first person she saw was Ron.

He was staring at her with his mouth open. She sighed and walked away to Ginny's room.

--

'Your brother was staring at me like a dumb ass!' she complained.

'Mi! What's up with you and Ron lately?' Ginny inquired while Hermione helped her to put a black dress by the knees.

'Nothing.'

'If I didn't knew you, I would buy that!' Ginny joked.

Hermione laughed and Ginny opened the door giving some last touched to her dress.

'C'mon, luv. Let's rock their world' Hermione giggled as Ginny gave her her arm and walked outside.

Mrs Weasley was waiting for them outside where Harry, Ron and Sirius had put some tables and a dance floor. The garden was full of light and the gests were arriving.

'Do you know if they got suites?' Hermione asked Ginny while walking downstairs.

'Well, Harry has...' she blushed and Hermione took advantage of that.

'He still loves you...he's just shy to ask you out' Hermione said.

Ginny didn't reply because Fred and George walked to them to say hi.

'Hey, Gin...who's your friend?' Fred said smirking.

'C'mon Fred, it's Hermione.' Ginny said grinning. She had done a wonderful job indeed.

Fred looked shocked 'Hermy!Wow!'

'Wow, it's an understatement!' George said winking at her.

'Bye boys.' Hermione said grinning.

--

'Remus!' Sirius called near a tree.

'Padfoot!' Remus greeted him.

'Where's Tonks?'

'Home with the twins' he grinned.

'Oh, Remus...those littles devils! Two month old and already like their daddy!'

They continued to chat until something took their breath away.

Ginny and Hemione have just walked into the garden. Everyone stopped talking and stared at them. Ginny walked away from Hermione and went to join Luna and Ron who was really really blushed.

'It fitted, I see...' Luna commented

'Of course, Luna.' Ginny was grinning wildly.

--

'Who's this lady?' Hermione heard a man's voice behind her. She turned to see Sirius grinning.

'Hi.'she said greeting him.

'You look great, Herms. I see Ron is almost fainting...' he laughed.

' His problem !'

They stood there without saying a thing.

'Want something to drink?' Harry asked behind them. He gave them champagne and walked to Ginny.

They drank a bit and then Sirius asked 'Are you still angry with me?'

'Why? Should I be?'

' I'm sorry if I did something that upset you, Herms' he said taking her hand and pulling her to the dancefloor.

They danced until Mrs Weasley made Hermione came to help her put the food in the table.

Sirius went to talk to Remus that had a smirk on his face.

'What!' he snapped.

'Nothing, mate, nothing at all...I just didn't know you fancied Hermione...'

'What! I do not fancy Hermione! She's a kid...well, not a kid but, you know, she's young and I was just making her company...'

'Yes, Padfoot. Keep telling yourself that'

'Okey, I admit. She looked hot today...and I'm twenty year-old man again, but that's all!'

'Whatever! Oh, look at Ginny and Harry! Finally!' Remus whispered.

Ginny had her arms around Harry's neck and they were kissing. Hermione say them to and couldn't help grinning.

--

(Sirius's diary)

Finally the party is over! I couldn't drink another glass of Firewisky...

Oh...

I've news. First, Ginny is out of the market. Harry finally got the corage to ask her to go out with him. Lucky guy! She's a great woman and a good one, if you get what I mean...hehehe...

Talking of hotties. Luna was looking great on her blue dress, Fred kept checking her out all night and she was all giggling around him...

Hermione, oh my! My heart almost jumped out when I saw her in that wine red dress. Her body! She's beautiful...She makes me think dirty and I shouldn't! She's my godson's FRIEND! She's twenty...and I, well, I suppose that I would be forty something...

Those years in the veil made my body and years go back...so I'm like twenty...and I love it! I shouldn't be thinking of a girl I saw grow!

Well, I think this the Firewisky talking, so I better go to sleep. But before I will tell you why I'm having this thoughts about Hermione.

When I was in the veil, a face of a woman haunted my dreams making me feel...love? Warmth?Something I couldn't get. And now I do...it was the same I felt when I saw that angel pulling me from the veil and when I saw Hermione in that dress...and when I touched her while we danced...

Maybe was only my hormones...or the fact the last time I've loved a woman was a long time ago. ..

Yeah, maybe that's it...

--

(Hermione's diary)

OMG!

Sirius almost kissed me today! While we were dancing our faces were touching... he was leaning in ...and IF Molly hadn't call me he would have kissed me!

I think he was only a bit drunk or maybe it was because of this dress...but STILL! Maybe he likes me...

It would be everything I ever wanted!

A/N: Someone asked me, The poems in this Fic and in MY DEAR FIRST LOVE are property of Renata Simoes, which is the same to say it belongs to me. I wrote then some months before starting writing in FanFiction and I used them because I thought they would be suitable to my fics. They were not made on purpose to suit HG/SB pairing.

A/N: 'Vulverte a ver' is a song by Juanes. Its a beautiful song. I'll try to get the lyrics and translate it into English.

Did you like it, Please review and tell me what you think, no flames please.

Kisses for everyone,

Tuxita


	5. Weekend at the Burrow, part 2

**A/N:** Sorry, it took so long.

This month my pc went to the shop, it was getting so slow that I had to clean him, so it took a while. My brother forbade me to touch his pc so… here I am now with six pages to write. I promise this will be a longer chapter.

Thank you for your reviews I really like knowing you are enjoying my fic, so keep reading and reviewing. I hope my grammar and spelling are improving, my English course started last week and I'm rubbing off the dust of my English…lol…don't know if this made any sense as I translated it from an expression we use in Portugal…

Another thing, the song's name was misspelled, it's not 'Vulverte a ver' but 'Volver', sorry.

**Warning:** Rated M, for memories of torture and mutilation and murder.

**Disclaimer**: I OWN NOTHING WHATSOEVER!!!!!!!!!! IF I DID, WOULD I BE POSTING IN A FANFICTION SITE????? Course not!!!!! Duhh!!!

Okey, I don't like to be an evil but today you will see why Hermione is so down and blue… yeh I won't give you all the reasons but some… (evil grin, some laughs…) I hope you like it. And you'll get some hints of why Hermione is so bad to Ron...

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**Weekend at the burrow – part Two -**

**Midnight confessions  
**

**  
**

**Dear Diary, I can't believe this day! It started so well and then, Ron had to make it all go wrong! So typical of him! I think I'll never speak with him again!!!!**

**Oww, my eyes are so red, I've been crying all afternoon...**

* * *

_(Flashback)_

_Hermione woke up rather late, maybe because of all the champagne she had drunk the night before. Ginny was not in the room so Hermione went to the bathroom to get herself ready. _

_She went down to breakfast. She was really cute today. She was wearing a red blouse and a black mini skirt. She felt the need to use a skirt, it'd been so much time since she wore one and now she had one, she felt sexy as well. (Let's see if Sirius has the same opinion…)._

_Downstairs Hermione couldn't hear a noise. Maybe the twins were still sleeping or went home._

'_Good morning, 'Mione' Harry was sitting at the table with Sirius by his side and Ginny by the window._

' '_mornig, everyone.' She replied sitting down near Ginny's empty plate. As she sat, Ginny jumped from her place as if she remembered something._

'_Oh, I forgot! Harry, my mother asked me to help her with the groceries, will you help me?' she said getting her purse and winking at Hermione, who blushed a bit._

'_Yeh, I guess…see you later guys.'_

_Ginny gave Hermione a flying kiss while Harry grabbed his coat. 'Bye' and they disappeared leaving two friends in the kitchen, silent and thinking to themselves._

'_So…' Sirius was a bit uncomfortable around her and she wondered why. 'Look nice today. I've never seen you in a skirt before… ' he blushed a bit._

'_Ah..Thanks. Where's everyone?'_

'_The twins went to work in the shop, Ron's still asleep, Luna went with Molly as Harry and Ginny…I guess we and the sleepy beauty are only ones in here.' He said grabbing his plate and glass. He started washing the dishes so, Hermione decided to help. She grabbed her things and placed them beside him. She struggled with him to wash the dishes and they ended up completely wet and laughing like maniacs. They sat on the floor playing with each other._

_Suddenly as Sirius was starting to lean in, Ron appeared in the kitchen. Sirius got up and helped Hermione up as well._

'_What were you doing? You're completely wet!' Ron gasped but the looked pass them to the dishes half cleaned. 'Oh…!'_

_Hermione tried to push her blouse from her breasts as the water made it clung to them. Ron was watching her so she gave him a glare 'What! Eat your breakfast, Ron and stop staring like you never seen a woman in your bloody life!' she paused but then added 'I'm going for a walk.' _

_She took her wand and dried herself while Sirius did the same._

_She gave a last glare at Ron, who was still checking her out, and went outside. After awhile she felt a hand behind her, it was Sirius._

_He was looking at her really confused._

'_What's up with you and Ron? Last time I checked you were friends…' he asked walking beside her._

'_Ron's a jerk! I hate him though I am still his friend. Not best friend but friendly… he did things to me I don't want to forget…' she answered quietly._

'_I agree that Ron can be a jerk but he loves you. What could he have done to hurt you so much to deny his best friendship?'_

_Hermione said nothing; the memories were too painful and to heartbreaking to say anything. Sirius understood her so didn't ask anything else about it._

'_I'm thinking of applying for a job at Hogwarts.' He said sitting down against a tree. Hermione followed his move and sat down as well._

'_Let me guess…DADA!' she said in a mocking voice._

'_As a matter of fact…yes.'_

'_Are trying to beat death again…you know the place is cursed' she was joking and he knew it._

'_Well, I'll always have an angel to save me…'_

_Hermione shut up but Sirius changed the subject to a serious conversation._

'_Voldemort isn't alive so the DADA place is not cursed anymore' he said grabbing a hand-full of grass. They spend the morning talking about everything, since Harry to Molly. But none of them talked about anything more personal._

_By the lunch time they decided it was best to go help Molly with the tables and groceries. They heard Molly yelling so they went faster to see what was happening._

_Their happy faces disappeared at the sight of Ron, drunk. He was yelling back at his mother and then he saw Hermione and his non-senses were about her._

'_You bitch, whore!! Evil lunatic! Liar…(glup)…I fuck you right here, you bloody know it all devil in a saints costume!-'_

_A slap from Hermione made him shut up. 'Go away, Ron. Lock yourself in your room and cure yourself! And never, never!, speak to me again in that terms or I'll be forced to present you with one of my finest curses or jinxes.'_

_Ron was red but he started yelling again 'You! Think you can elude them? Not me! I know the truth, Death –' this time Sirius was the one to punch him as to knock him out. He and Harry grabbed Ron and pushed him upstairs to lock him in his room._

_Hermione followed them up the stairs but then locked herself in Ginny's room crying. How could he? He promised not to tell and he had almost did it!!_

_Ginny went up to comfort her but a strong hand stopped her._

'_Let her cry, Gin.' Harry grabbed his girlfriend and walked her downstairs. They were the only ones to know what Ron had almost said and Hermione had the right to cry over that._

_(end of Flashback)_

* * *

**I must go down to dinner. I have to… I forgot my wand in the kitchen so I can't make food…**

**Argh!!!!!I hate that prat, he promised me!!!! I hate him for reminding me of the war after such a wonderful morning beside Sirius…I'm sure he was about to kiss me when he walked in the kitchen…and again when Molly yelling interrupt us!!! IT'S ALL RONALD WEASLEY FAULT SIRIUS DIDN'T KISS ME YET!!!!!!**

**I hate him. I'll end this shaky friendship if he doesn't apologise by tomorrow…**

**Maybe Sirius will try to kiss me today after dinner and actually do it! I think he likes me!!!! UPPIII!! **

**Well, I must, and I'll. I just hope no one will ask me anything…**

**(after dinner)**

**Ron wasn't there, Sirius didn't even talk to me! And Molly was crying again with the Firewhisky by her side. Only Harry and Ginny looked happy, they were making out in the living room when Sirius and I went to sit there after dinner…**

**Well, I think I ought to go sleep! I'm really tired and I can't forget Ron's drunkenness…**

**Bye, see ya later.**

**A crying little woman,**

**Hermione Granger**

* * *

--

Hermione woke up in the middle of the night. Her nightmares made her scream and sweat so she was covered in sweat. She needed water. She went to the bathroom and cleaned herself. She headed for the kitchen afterwards. She poured some water in a glass and then sat at staring outside through the window.

Outside in the garden she saw many little creatures, none aware of her stare or pain. She wished she could belike then, living without being aware of the past or the future. Live the moment. Forget everything. Start over.

She doubted her life would ever be the same again. Her mind was always remembering her actions, the guilt always there punishing her…the war always there hunting her thoughts…Sirius almost unaware of her presence…

She left the window and stared down at the glass between her hands. It was cold as she felt.

'Hi, 'Mione' someone said behind her making her almost fall from her seat. She glared at Sirius who was behind her pouring a glass of water as well.

'You scared the hell out of me!' he rolled his eyes. 'I'm serious!' she yelped.

'No, I am' he replied with a chuckle.

None of the two said anything for a while after that. They were deep in their own thoughts. Finally Sirius sat beside Hermione, leaving his spot near the fridge.

'What kept you up?' he asked looking out the window to observe the gnomes collecting food to take home.

Hermione swallowed hard but said nothing. It was still so weird to see him there with nothing to worry about. He had a second chance thanks to her doom.

'I'll tell you why I'm up if you do so too.' He continued with a calm voice. She eyed him curiously 'Okey, but you must go first' she replied.

' 'right. I couldn't sleep 'cause I kept thinking of someone' he said looking directly at Hermione eyes without even blushing a bit.

'Why?' she asked. Inside she was feeling a mix of jealousy, desire and certain.

' 'cause every time I'm alone, I think of her, how she saved. After falling through the veil I started reliving my life backwards. When I was pulled out I was heading to Godric's Hollow. My mind knew everything, what would happen next, what I would find there…but my body moved on by itself. I was in the dark but never alone. No, never. She was always there. Saying it would be alright, it would be over soon and that she was coming to rescue me. I never saw her face but she was the only thing keeping me alive and sane. I felt I knew her, that I loved her somehow…that she was someone I fancied when I was in Earth.

'So, I keep thinking about who she was and why I felt so good when I was with her… does that make any sense to you? I relived some memories where I could fell her and not see her…like in those days when you dream about someone but you can't remember who…'

'Did you ever reply to her?' she asked curiously.

'Yes, I told her I wanted to touch her. I begged her to hug me whenever I came from a bad memory.' Sirius was smiling sadly and he was a bit blushed but Hermione was touched.

'What would you tell if you ever see her?'

'Thank you, I guess.' He replied 'I would kiss her, hug her …' he laughed sadly 'It was her I felt pulling me out. Her angelic aura… her pure hands in mine… then I woke up with you and Ginny staring at me!'

'Well, sorry to wake you up from your dreamgirl!' she said in a mock hurt voice, desperately trying to keep cool. He was so near her…his eyes sparkling, staring , gazing in her own.

'Not at all. I should thank you for bringing me to life again. I know it was you… first I thought Ginny was the one but she couldn't be… you're the smartest witch your age, only you could take me from my destiny. Thank you, Hermione'

'You're welcome…' she whispered blushing madly.

There was another pregnant pause which Sirius cut short.

'So, my insomnia was due to my usual memories, this dreamgirl, as you called her, who kept me sane in the dark, and you, who I wanted to thank at dinner but couldn't as everyone kept dancing with you…'

'Oh…'

'Now, your turn…'

Hermione rose from her seat and walked to the window, gazing the night outside. She couldn't tell him and face him at the same time. What would he think of her?!

'Don't be afraid, sweetie. I won't judge anything, I'm here to listen only' he replied as if he read her mind. Hermione took a deep breath and then she decided to open her heart to the only man she had ever loved.

'I have nightmares…you see, the war was short but there were some causalities, first Cedric, you, that woman from the ministry, then Amelia Bones, Frederick Coop (the minister of USA magic ministry), Dumbledore…The Bulgarian team and two and a half million others, muggles, muggle borns and magic people…' she stopped and turned to face him. She felt she had to tell him everything, though he already knew a part which Harry had told him during these weeks. She felt she could trust him 'You must promise me this won't leave this room. Do you?' her voice was shaky but still the tears in her eyes were kept inside. Sirius nodded and that was enough to her.

'During two months, Harry, Ron and I, we felt the obligation to find the Horcruxes. Well, during one of those nights when I was destroying one of them, my house was attacked and I was kidnapped as you know.

'Lucius took me after Bellatrix and Nott tortured and killed my parents in front of me. He made me do it…he cursed me with an imperious and I tortured my parents. I kept crying and I still hear their voices pleading for my heart. Please, baby, don't do it, they begged but I was too hurt to fight Lucius' imperious curse, I had been hit with several crucious before they used me…I couldn't fought them, Harry can keep fighting even after being hit with ten crucious, and I couldn't. I was hit with five and I blacked out. Lucious woke me up to use me, to make me torture my own parents. I was in shock I didn't do anything to stop them…'

' Bloody hell, Herms it was not your fault!' he gasped.

'I'm not finished. I never told this part to anyone. As far as they know, I was took after they killed my parents and I was tortured before they saved me. Then, I joined them in the battle field, arrested several Death Eaters, killed the last Horcruxe, Nagiri…what they're oblivious to is that I was tortured, cut …'Hermione swallowed hard and then whispered the rest 'raped, spanked…' She could see Sirius tensing in front of her, his eyes full of angriness. She continued in a small voice 'I was kept prisoner for four months before Harry and Ron came to rescue me in the final battle.'

Tiny tears slipped from her eyes 'They gave me my wand and then they freed all the other prisoners. When they arrived to save me I was a complete mess. I was full of dirt, dried blood and cuts, skinny, powerless… but no physical pain would keep me from revenging my name. I cured my elf closing the cuts with some spells. They walked downstairs to the ground floor and the garden where the battle was taking place and they think I followed them but I didn't.' She felt she was about to crack so she sat across Sirius and grabbed her glass drinking a bit from it. Sirius grabbed her hands between his. It made her shiver, not of fright but of surprise.

He didn't notice as he was gazing angrily, thinking how could they let her there for so long, how could they let their friend in the hands of the enemy? Why was he trapped in that veil while she was suffering so bad in Voldemort coeval.

'I went up, to Lucius room where I knew Voldemort kept Nagiri. I knew he feed her there as he once brought me there to my daily torture. I grabbed the dagger he used to cut my hair and my body with…oh, yeh…he cut my hair short pulling it hard so it would hurt badly…as he did to my body, slowly, painfully, every bit of my body with its tips. So, I killed Nagiri with it. Only after that I went to the battle field and did something I dread.' She gazed her small hands between Sirius' big and strong ones. They were so warm and firm, so unlike her fragile ones.

'You don't have to tell me anything, love' he said noticing her troubled eyes. She shocked her head.

'No, I trust you… I need this…' she replied 'I was never a rule breaker. I always tried to play it save and by the rule book though living with Harry and Ron as friends can be considered a dangerous risk' she gave him a small smile between her teary face, but it disappeared when she started talking again. ' I was full of invisible cuts and my pain was more deep than you can imagine just from listening to me. I was suffering way before being captured.

Everyday I saw Lucius and others Death Eaters torture me and other prisoners, calling us blood traitors, mudbloods and so many others things…(sniff) I begged for death at night though I never admitted it to Voldemort when he tortured me…he used to tell me that if I begged he would free me from my pain… I was too proud to take it.

So I was free and only one thing in my mind kept me going, 'cause I've lost it all in that war, my parents, my trust in my friends, Dumbledore, y…' she trailed off 'you know…I was desperate and nothing could get through my head… revenge… I wanted it with all my strength.

I went down, I was moving due to my wish of revenge as I know my pain was killing me still. When I've knocked ten Death Eaters out I finally saw Lucius, followed by Wormtail, heading to the back of his Manor. I followed suit, knocking every Death Eater in the way. I cast Stunning Spell everywhere I saw a Death Eater. Soon when I was reaching Lucius I'd arrested more than twenty Death Eaters and immobilized as much. I was following this path as a machine, my feet walked on their own. No one noticed my path, they only saw me fighting… they couldn't imagine who I was following.' Bigger tears were leaving her eyes silently and by this time Sirius was sitting besides her hugging her.

'I killed him, Sirius!' she sobbed 'I murdered him! I'm a murderer!'

'It's alright, baby…'Sirius was shocked but he understood her.

'I stunned Wormtail. He fell on the floor silently as I reached Malfoy from behind. I gave him a chance to defend himself…We duelled for a while but my revenge wish made me disarm him. He fell on the floor. I used the cruciatous curse on him. I was shouting all my pain, all the evil thoughts I had in me…until I saw him smirk. The devil was smirking! He said I was too goodie for him to be afraid. Next thing I saw myself doing was kicking him, punching him…I took the dagger and I started doing what he'd done to me so many times…Then I saw he had his wand only a few inches away. He saw it too so, as he grabbed it I heard myself killing him.' She stopped digging in her actions spoken out loud.

Sirius knew that everyone had killed someone in the war, Hermione was no exception but somehow he felt sorry for her because he knew it should be killing her.

She was always such a nice girl, so true, so pure…and to him she still was though she was now a woman and a cursed one. Everyone who sees death that close and takes a life will be cursed forever. He knew it well…oh he knew it well.

'Why? Why didn't you knock him out instead?' there was nothing in his voice that made her believe he was judging her or accusing her of something but she knew she had to finish her story.

'I was not myself…and I think, no I know, it was nothing compared to what Voldemort made me do to Bellatrix. I wanted him to suffer, to beg me to stop as he did…I wanted to feel the satisfaction of having the power over him…and then I saw him going for him wand and I shouted the first thing on my mind'

'What did you do to Bellatrix?'

'I was under the Imperious curse almost every day. He only took it out at night when he knew I was locked up in the dungeons. He made me toy around with her, torture her for failing him… she is in St Mungos, crazy… Neville finished the job I started under Voldemort's curse.'

'So,you're under the curse…it wasn't you..-'

'For some periods I was myself, I tried to fight it off but he was very powerful and Lucius made sure I was too weak to beat him. I torture Bellatrix, murdered Malfoy… and I must have done so many other things 'cause I hear them begging, pleading mercy… I can't remember some of the days I was there and that made me believe I was being possessed…'

'Why didn't you tell Harry or Ron or Ginny? It must have been hard to keep this to yourself!' he hugged her caressing her head.

'I told half of it to Ginny but not no one else but you...They would judge me if they knew… I wanted to go to trial, I said I should go to jail but Harry just laughed and told me that whatever I've done I had my reasons and that I was a heroine so I could go to jail. Everyone did things they didn't want to in the war… but I know deep down I did it because I wanted…I made my revenge'

There was a silence.

'I almost killed Lestrange and I DID NOTHING TO STOP MYSELF! She deserve it, I told myself in those moments I tortured her while sane, she killed my parents, you,…' she stood up and walked to the window 'I shouldn't have told you. Now you'll think I'm a murderer.

She walked away to the living room followed by Sirius. He sat beside her in the couch.

'It was a war, luv and they deserved it. It was a bad thing to do but …I'd done the same in your place' he said and she hugged him with all her strength

'Breath!!' he mocked pulling her away. He looked at her. She was no longer the girlish know it all that his godson called friend. She was a wonderful woman that had pure feelings, and her regret showed she was no stony hearted bitch. Her hair was now curly, not fuzzy. She had big puffy red eyes from crying but she still looked beautiful.

'So, you don't think I'm evil? Or a bad person?'

'The regret shows how wonderful and pure you are, Hermione. Another person would forgot about it and moved on, but you have integrity and good inner beauty…So, no I don't think you're a bad person, in fact I think you're a damn gorgeous little woman' her eyes wided and she blushed though it went unnoticed as her face was already tomato red.

They stayed in an embrace for quite some time afraid to say anything at all. Just silent gazing into each other eyes. The Sirius couldn't hold it anymore, the attraction he was feeling, that weird something in his heart. He leaned in and Hermione followed half way. They lips met, cold and hot, sugar and spice…Hermione and Sirius.

For what seemed like days, years they kissed passionately, softly and roughly. When they got a hold on themselves and their thoughts Sirius was on top of Hermione kissing her neck and exploring her body with his hands. He stopped and he looked at Hermione who had her eyes close as she had just moaned in pleasure because of his kisses and her desire.

He stood up and helped her up as well 'Why did you stop?' she complained trying to go near him again.

He took some steps away and replied ' 'cause I can't!'

'What?! What do you mean you can't?! Am I an awful kisser? Ugly as a horse? Is it because of what I told you? 'cause you said it didn't matter!' she gasped truly hurt.

'No! you're awesome, perfect in every flaw… just, you're so much younger than me, though I look like I'm 20 again' he smirked but then he looked serious again 'I think I falling for you and I can't. You're Harry's best friend, you could be my daughter!'

'But I'm not, and I don't care' she replied smiling. He said he was falling for her! Her heart was running as a horse in a shinning day. She walked across the room to meet him and caress his face, he shivered at her touch, he was full of lust and desire and something he couldn't figure what it was exactly. He took her hand and kissed it.

'You deserve better, luv'

'I want you; it was always you, Sirius, always.' She said kissing him softly.

'What would everyone say? They would think I'm taking advantage-'

'Hell with them, Sirius. I want you. I've waited so long…'

'You'll care, love, I know you would…'

'No, I wouldn't' she glared.

'What about Harry? Ginny? Molly? Ron –'

'Ginny knows, and the rest would get used to it' she looked at him through narrowed eyes.

'You can loose them…'

'I'll have you!'

'I'm not worthy, darling…' he replied. He was scared. He felt something he didn't feel a long time ago…he really liked her…maybe loved her.

'The question is… will you risk it all for me?'

* * *

A/N: Did you liked it...? Please review!!!! 


	6. Broken Hearts

_A/N: Thank everyone for reading and reviewing. I really get all cheered up every time I get a review. It really makes my day to know that you enjoyed and read my fanfiction._

_Second I want to apologize for this late update. In the end I'll explain better why I took so long._

_So without more, keep reading and I hope you like it. It is a bit angst but it will get better. _

Disclaimer: DO I need to say AGAIN that I don't own Harry Potter?! Don't you get that by now??

Lol

**(Recap)**

'_You deserve better, luv'_

'_I want you; it was always you, Sirius, always.' She said kissing him softly._

'_What would everyone say? They would think I'm taking advantage-'_

'_Hell with them, Sirius. I want you. I've waited so long…'_

'_You'll care, love, I know you would…'_

'_No, I wouldn't' she glared._

'_What about Harry? Ginny? Molly? Ron –'_

'_Ginny knows, and the rest would get used to it' she looked at him through narrowed eyes._

'_You can lose them…'_

'_I'll have you!'_

'_I'm not worthy, darling…' he replied. He was scared. He felt something he didn't feel a long time ago…he really liked her…maybe loved her._

'_The question is… will you risk it all for me?_'

---

**Chapter 6 –**

**Broken hearts**

He stared at her silently and she could see the thoughts he was duelling. Confusion, fear…

She shook her head.

'I see…' Hermione turned to leave, her heart in her hands. _Why?,_ she asked herself, _why are things so hard for me_?

She had her hand in the door when he called her with a whisper.

'You have to understand, Hermione, this is too new to me. I don't know if it will work and if it doesn't? What if you get tired of me like all the others I fell in love with? What if this that I feel is not real? What if it is only lust, fascination?'

'Why not give it a try?' she asked.

Sirius stared at his hands and immerse in his own memories. The last girl he truly loved left him for another one; love was just something he didn't understand and was tired and too hurt to try again. He lost his friends once and he was not going to lose them now again.

She stopped and looked at him. He was so beautiful and such a good person, a bit crazy and childish sometimes but she has no doubt in her heart that he is the One.

'I don't want to lose them now. I have just returned…' he continued 'It's too soon and it's all coming too fast. Hermione, you're my godson's best friend what would he think of us?'

Hermione forced her tears to stay in her eyes.

'He would be glad we found someone-'

'No, sweetie, he would not be glad'

Sirius sighed and locked his feelings away again. He was still confused about that young woman in front of him. He knew the old her and a bit of her new her but was it enough? She was a nice girl and funny and she wanted, she was still a bookworm and know it all but she have grown so much in all those aspects…

'You're right. I'm not worth that lost' she said and ran out of the room to her bedroom.

That night she cried herself to sleep as she usually did.

--

Finally Monday arrived and Hermione was the first to leave to Hogwarts. She didn't wait for Harry or Ron to go. At five a.m. she flooed from the Weasley's kitchen to her office.

In her head fragments of their talk played slowly, consuming her, hurting her again.

She took a bath and headed for the Great Hall for breakfast. She knew she had do go there even if that meant meeting Ron.

As she predicted, Ron was already there with an awful look in his face. When he saw her he swallowed hard. She sat herself in Harry's left.

'Good morning, Headmaster' she said putting some toasts in her plate and pumpkin juice in her goblet.

'Hi, Hermione.' He replied after swallowing.

'G'orning Hermione' Ron said from Harry's right.

'Hello, Professor Weasley' she replied hard-heartedly.

Ron shut his mouth. He knew he what he had done was wrong but he was jealous. Hermione was strange around him since the night they rescued her. He decided to drop is case and resume his conversation with Harry.

'When will you drop your DADA's classes?' he asked.

'Today. Sirius asked me yesterday for the job and I gave it to him.'

Hermione chocked.

'What?!' she cried.

Harry turned to gaze her. 'Didn't I tell you? Sirius must be showing up. I must announce him in a bit'

Hermione stood up and excused herself. She was not prepared to face him, not so soon! She walked to the door beside the Head Table. As she reached the doorknob the door opened and Sirius entered the room.

Their eyes met and Hermione froze.

'Good morning, Hermione' he said in a calm voice.

'Good morning, Professor Black' she replied walking pass him.

She took a deep breath. She would not cry. She could feel his eyes on her back as she walked away.

--

'Professor Granger?' a second year student asked 'Are you feeling alright, m'am?'

She took her head from her hands and looked at the petite student from behind her table.

'Just a headache, Pierre. Go on everyone, back to work' she instructed her class.

It was only her first class of the day and she felt like crap. Flashes of the night before dancing in her mind, haunting her like there was no tomorrow.

It was useless, her second year students were making a mess and she was not in the mood. Suddenly a bang was heard and she looked up at her students once more. Pierre had dropped his school bag on the floor while misaiming his toad.

'Ten points from Ravenclaw for the noise, Mister Auguste.

'But-'

'No, buts, Pierre.' The bell rang 'Class dismissed'.

She sighed as she drank another Pepper-Up potion. Next class was the hardest: seventh year Gryffindors and Slytherins.

She took her journal or diary, as you would like to call it, and gapped at it. Not allowing the tears to come out she started to write.

--

_Last night I talked to Sirius. I told him so much and I can't say I regret it, 'cause I don't. It was so risky and somehow I just started talking and opening my heart to him. Whatever came into me, it made me feel free, and content…I don't know._

_I guess that I'm taking many risks considering my position. Thank God Ginny has no idea what she helped me doing! She would murder me before it is complete._

_After his refusal I felt that the world as collapsing. The cut I made during the ritual opened again and it is bleeding no-end. I went to my store for a Bleeding restoring potion and I had to take it before breakfast. _

_It's odd that it keeps opening and closing… it must be the curse…a reminder of the curse._

_The curse…if only I could tell him! I have so little time and he made it clear he doesn't want me that way or at least he would never try a thing that way! I have to collect my broken pieces and think! Think, Hermione, think! It used to be something I beat everyone at but lately I'm kinda lazy to use my brain to think scientifically and rationally. I'm heart and feeling have over come me and my rationality._

_One thing is sure: I have to win him over. _

_I just… I'm not prepared yet. I can't face him right away, what is he thinking? What is he thinking about me and all that happened this night?_

_I love him… that is what is worse… I'm sure of what I feel but know that he may never feel more than lust and desire for me, (I know he desires me, hell, I'm hot when I want to!)._

_The bell is ringing and my students must be coming in so I'm leaving this entry for later._

**--**

**I saw her today at breakfast, then after lunch and at the library. **

**In front of Harry and Ron and the rest of the staff, she's quiet and polite. She acts like nothing is wrong, like not along ago she claimed to love and desire me! But then when we cross each other in a hall or the library, she's distant, she ignores my presence and doesn't meet my eyes or my gaze.**

**It was an embarrassing moment and maybe hurtful for her but I wish I could talk to her and make her understand that I wish nothing more that befriend her once again. Those moments at the Burrow, ya know, the walk, the long talks, and our pranks and teasing fights, I loved them!**

**I want more and more. She's a good listener and mature talker. I want to keep her friendship forever. I don't want to ruin it because of this thing, this unnameable thing that is within me and her love for me. As for that, how can she love me? She doesn't know me that well; she always said I was immature, childish and mischievous. And I'm older, old enough to be her father!**

**I don't know… did she saw something I don't know that is in me? **

**I just hope I can plot something to make her speak to me…HA! Got it…I'm on my way to get Granger.**

--

'Professor Granger!' someone called behind me. I turned on my heels to see no other than Harry waving to me from the front of the doors of the Great Hall. I was on my way up the stairs to my room after dinner but stopped and waited for Harry to catch up. He looked agitated but when doesn't he look agitated? Well, lately, since Sirius took over his classes, a week ago, he looks better but tonight he looks funny…

'Professor Granger, 'he said as a student passed by 'Hermione, glad I catch you before you went to your room. Peeve is causing trouble again. I'm afraid he went to the library looking for a book to read'

I glared at him. I told him tons of times that Peeves has to be kept away from the library by the Headmaster, that is him, Harry, by the way!

'Don't give me that look! I did the spell it just didn't work…' he gave me a lost-puppy look and begged me to deal with it.

'Just this once, Harry. Next time you have to do it yourself!' I told him sighing and dragging myself to what seemed a closed library.

There were only a few students near the door and they all seemed terrified.

'What going on?' I asked to a seventh year student, called Constance.

She looked up to me and started to back away from me before replying 'Professor Black is fighting with Peeves, m'am.'

'WHAT?!' I bellowed. Fighting in my library! It just like something he would do!

'That's it! Everyone out before I start giving detentions!' I roared as I entered the library.

The few students that were still on the library ran pass me and with a click the door closed. I was startled at what I was seeing. Books everywhere, pages ripped…

I felt I was one step from faint. Then, as I entered forward into the library, I saw him. The man I love and that at that moment was on my list of revenge.

'How-could-you?' I was hyper-ventilating and I had to sit on one of the tables to not fall right there on the floor. I knew that everything would restore itself once I flicked my wand but… the sight of destruction in the place I loved to be in and where I would always count on was beyond me and my grips.

He just sat and with a flick of his hand everything went back to their places like they never left them. Peeves disappeared and I heard a loud click on the door.

We were stuck inside.

'What?' I gapped as I gazed him for an answer.

He smirked and made his best wink.

'We needed to talk.' He replied simply walking up to me.

'So, we needed to talk and to make me talk to you, you almost made me have a heart attack?!!' I snarled.

'Yeh, it work didn't it? You came running to the library when Harry told you Peeves was here…' he said sitting across me on a chair.

'Why not just spread the rumour and not touch MY BOOKS?'

'That way no one would know what I was plotting, would they?' I glared at him but he continued 'No, I asked Peeves to help and he did, then Snape told Harry and Harry made sure he asked you to do the job as I knew he would. And then I came in the library to try and take Peeves away when instead I was just charming the door to close itself when you came through it.'

Wow, he had thought of it through.

'So, now that I'm here what do you want to talk about?' I asked boldly though I knew exactly what was on his mind to talk.

--

'Hermione, I care for you. The fact that you're ignoring me and pushing me aside is hurting me as I know it must be hurting you' he said.

Hermione looked at him and shook her head.

'You don't understand, Sirius.'

He sighed.

'What don't I understand?' he asked taking her hand in his and once again she took them away.

'I can't tell you' she replied standing up. She knew this was not taking them somewhere. It was too risky to be that close to him when she knew she was still hurt and confused about what to do next.

'Tell me, trust me...' he pleaded.

Tiny tears were forming in her eyes but she ignored them. She turned around and she stared at him. She made a decision. She would seduce him, make him love her slowly and with time she would reach his heart. It was so obvious that she could have laughed at herself for ever thinking there was any other option if she was not in his company.

She smiled _'I trust you, it's me I don't trust'_ she thought but instead she said 'You're right. This is hurting me.'

She walked back to where he was standing against the table and with her best control she sat beside him.

'I want you to be my friend no matter what, Mi. Just try and forget these feelings that are growing inside our hearts. For Harry, for us.' He cried hugging her.

Her heart jumped a beat as she felt his warm body against hers.

'Is it final, Sirius? Don't you even try and give us a chance?'

'It's too risky, 'Mione. I don't want to hurt you if I'm not able to love you the way you love me.' He paused 'But we are all grown ups so we can put that aside and enjoy our friendship, okey? Do we agree?'

'Can't you realise that you desire me? I can see it in your reactions, Snuffles. I can hear you breathe hard when I'm too near you, when I touch you…' she touched his face and then his neck.

He pulled her from his and gave a few steps away from her.

'No, I can not do this, Hermione Granger. I love you as a friend, as my godson's best friend…I can not allow the lust of my loneliness ruin everything.'

'We could make it more than lust, Sirius-'

'Stop, Hermione' he ordered 'I want you as a friend, nothing more!'

They fell silent. She knew she had lost her battle but maybe not the war yet.

'I don't want to hurt you…please, we have to be adults and deal with this in a friendly way. I want to be your friend again, the way we used to be before I died'

She pondered for some time pacing the library.

'Is this what you really want, Snuffles?' she asked facing him.

**No, no, no … **

**O**ne voice said in his head, yet another one and one more powerful told him:

**_YES, say yes, Sirius Black, think of Harry and not your desire and lust!_**

'Yes' he replied lowering his eyes to met hers 'Do you agree on friendship only? Will you give us the chance to be only friends?'

_No, no, no, no…, she thought._

'Yes' she whispered and he smiled. She watched as he unlocked the door and went to his dormitory.

She remained sit as his words sank in her heart.

_**I don't want to hurt you if I'm not able to love you the way you love me…**_

_But you already did… _she thought.

Another chill went through her heart and once again her hand ached and her bruise opened spilling her blood through her robe.

---

**AN: I hope you liked it…**

**Thank you so much for your reviews, if it wasn't for you I don't know what would become of me! **

**Sorry for the late update but this last month was chaotic for me and over everything my pc broke down and my tests seemed harder than ever! Now I'm good…well, considering that next Tuesday I'm going to suffer a knee's surgery…**

**X-mas is just three days away!!!! Presents and lots of candies!!! Yehh! Lol**

**So, Happy Christmas and New Year for everyone!!!**

**Love you all,**

**Renata**


	7. Befriending a cursed woman

_**A/N:** Sorry, it took so long._

_I thought that after the surgery I would have time to write but all I did in that week was sleep a lot, walk a lot with the help of those hideous things that I don't know the name in English (those things you use when you break a leg and such things), meet everyone and talk a lot on my mobile phone. Everyday I had company so I couldn't get near my pc or anything else than the bed or the bathroom. Dressing was a torture and I was deeply depressed for the first week! I'm still doing rehab so it leaves me little time to do anything but study. School started and my teachers are giving test like crazy people, c'mon test in the second week after a break?! Well, going on with the fic!_

_Thank you everyone for reviewing and reading! I love reviews!!! ;)_

_**Disclaimer**: I OWN NOTHING WHATSOEVER!!!!!!!!!! IF I DID, WOULD I BE POSTING IN A FANFICTION SITE????? Course not!!!!! Duhh!!!_

**Recap:**

She remained sit as his words sank in her heart.

_**I don't want to hurt you if I'm not able to love you the way you love me…**_

_But you already did… _she thought.

Another chill went through her heart and once again her hand ached and her bruise opened spilling her blood through her robe.

-----

**--**

**Chapter 7 **

**Befriending a cursed woman**

**--**

The next days passed quickly and quietly. There were no more arguments and the students were free of detentions. Everyone could see that something was wrong with Professor Granger as she was quieter than usual and that she was not as mean as before. If they were smart they would understand why this change happened. But they were oblivious to it as the rest of the staff.

She looked ill, very pale and thin. Only one person noticed this and she meant to do something about it. So, in a Hogsmead's weekend, Ginny waited for a certain Professor to appear and so he did.

'Sirius, glad you could make it' she called giving him a kiss on the cheek and then she sat back on her chair.

'So, what's up?' he replied.

Ginny looked around and put a silencing charm around them.

'I need your help' she hesitated.

'Ask it'

'Did you notice that Hermione is looking rather ill these past few weeks?'

'Not, really…I mean she seems alright on our patrols…'

'Well, she's paler and thinner… I think she's not eating properly.'

'Now that you mention it, she never eats more than her soap at lunch and dinner and toast at breakfast…'

Ginny smiled sadly.

'I think she's getting depressed. You need to help her.'

'Why me and not you?' he replied too quickly for his own good. Ginny smirked.

'Cuz I'm not leaving in the castle, am I?'

'I don't think I can do anything-'

'Yes, you can and you will, Sirius Black' she said in a rather Mrs Weasley tone of voice.

Sirius glared at her. Ginny grinned.

'Just take her to dinner and do different things. Distract her from her work… she's working too hard and I'm afraid she'll get into a deep depression…again.'

In spite of himself, Sirius nodded.

'So, what do we have to do is…' Ginny started.

---

Professor Granger was heading back to Hogwarts when she saw Professor Black waving at her. She stopped and waited for him to catch up with her.

He ran a bit and then got her.

He pulled himself together and then asked:

'Wanna get a drink?'

Hermione watched him closely but then she smiled and nodded. He could now see the bags under her eyes and the paleness that Ginny talked about. _How come Ginny caught it when she just saw Hermione yesterday when she visited Harry and we didn't?_ he wondered.

They headed to the Three Broomsticks.

They were silent all the time but it was a good silence, a silence that told them they were enjoying each other company and that there was no need of words.

Only in the end of their drinks, Sirius talked.

'Mi, what's up with you?'

Hermione frowned.

'What do you mean?' she asked innocently. She knew exactly what he was asking but she was not going to give it out.

'You don't eat, you apparently don't sleep, and you look ill and pale… So, what's wrong?'

She stared at her empty bottle and then at Sirius who was watching her.

'Nothing is wrong. Too much work and the students are driving me crazy.' She lied waving her hands. It was then that he noticed her wrapped hand.

He took it before she could take it away.

'What's this?'

'I cut myself' she lied.

He glared at her.

'I thought you trusted me but you're lying to me, Hermione'

She looked down.

'I can't tell you everything, Sirius. There are things that are better kept secrets.'

'Then, just tell me what you can about those secrets so I can help you.' He pleaded exposing her cut. As soon as he took the protection he saw the blood leaving the cut non-stop. He tried some healing spells but nothing worked. He covered it again and stared at Hermione who was facing the empty bottle in front of her.

'This is a curse cut, Mi. How did you do it?' he whispered.

She sighed and took her hand away from his.

'Dark Magic' she said simply in a low voice.

'What did you do, Mi?'

She stood up.

'I can't tell you, Sirius.' And then she walked away tears coming out of her eyes as she walked silently to the castle.

--

_I just wish you're here tonight_

_With me._

_I could tell you everything_

_I could stay up all night_

_With your arms around me._

_I wish I could fly away _

_Tonight._

_Just to see you_

_Without remorse without pain_

_Just you and me,_

_You and me together at last._

_I shall love you forever…_

_You shall live in my heart…_

_So why deny it?_

_Why hide it?_

_So it hurts,_

_It hurts a lot_

_Seeing you over and over_

_Without me at your side_

_Without my hands in yours…_

_If only I could tell you…_

_Everything…_

_--_

_I couldn't just tell him I got that cut while taking his out of the veil. That would be saying that he's out because of Dark Magic, right?_

_I wanted to cry so much but I couldn't, not in front of him again. I love him and when I saw the hurt and anger in his eyes when he realised what that cut was…I was sadly happy. Does that even make sense?_

_Three weeks since we talked in the library…and Christmas is near, too near for my own good._

_My time is running out. I can feel it…I have to start plotting. Oh, someone's coming._

--

She was sitting near the lake with a small book in her lap. He approached her and sat beside her.

'I have one too.' He told her.

'I know…' she whispered but he didn't hear it.

'Can I help?'

_Yes,_ 'No' she replied.

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and leaned her into his embrace. She had a cursed woman in his arms and it felt good, too good indeed.

'You should tell Harry…if you can't tell me…'

She smiled sadly.

'If I could tell him…I would rather tell you…'

'Well, he would understand, afterall, he was a cursed man not far ago.'

'Yes, but he would tell Ron and he wouldn't understand.'

'What's wrong between you two?' he asked gazing her head in his shoulder.

She sighed. It was time to tell him a bit more about her.

'Remember what I told you about being captive?' he nodded 'Voldemort thought I would be nice to mark me. He had a laugh at it. A mudblood being marked as a Death Eater, surely Potter would despise her and kill her himself…' she sighed and pulled away from him and pulled her right sleeve up.

There was no mark.

'I was under a imperious when he marked me. I never felt so filthy and ashamed in my life. It was the worst pain ever. When they found me…Harry saw it and he felt sorry for me, he understood what Voldemort'd done. But Ron…' she sighed.

'Ron thought I'd betrayed them and he tried to convince Harry to leave me there. It didn't matter how much I pleaded and told him I was tortured and marked against my will…he didn't get it, he didn't understand.'

'But Harry saved me…and Ron only apologised after a while but I will never forgive the names he called me and the looks he gave me…'

She touched her arm with her wand. A scary and pale mark appeared in her thin arm.

Sirius reached her arm and run his fingers on the Dark Mark. He took her mark to his lips and kissed it.

'I'm sorry I was not there to help, Mi' he hugged her and for a second he felt his heart sunk with a feeling he barely knew: love. He pulled away hastily but composed himself so she didn't notice.

'That's what is with me and Ron. He still says he loves me and is constantly asking me out but I still didn't forgive him. Harry knows and he's always trying to make Ron do something for me to forgive him entirely…'

She leaned against him again and Sirius wrapped his arm around her shoulder. They stayed that way until it darkened. Hermione laid on the grass and stared at the stars.

'Aren't they beautiful?'

Sirius gazed her beside her 'Yes'.

She smiled feeling his gaze on her.

'So, when are gonna tell me something about you?' she asked gazing back at him.

He stood in his arms so he could see her properly, him belly hitting the grass.

'What do you want to know?'

'Everything, something…anything…' she chuckled.

He smiled.

'Ah, I know... you could tell me about James and Remus at school…'

So they spend the night near the lake. Sirius telling her stories about his Marauders time and Hermione listening happily to his antics.

They didn't even notice two young people watching them through the Headmaster's window. The woman had her boyfriends hands wrapped around her waist and she was grinning madly.

'Don't they look cute together?' she asked her boyfriend that snorted.

'They're friends, Ginny'

'Yes, now… but they love each other, Mister Potter.'

She turned to see the disgusted face of her boyfriend. 'He could be her father, Ginny'

'Get used to it…be happy for them when they get together.'

He sighed 'I guess they deserve some happiness after everything they went through'

'You have no idea, my dear.' Then Ginny told Harry everything she knew, every word she had heard Hermione telling Sirius in the Burrow's kitchen.

To say he was shocked was the understatement of the millennium.

He told her about the mark. Ginny smirked and told him that she knew about it.

'We must promise not to tell anything or do anything that may expose Hermione's secrets' he ordered and Ginny closed the promise with a kiss.

'But we must do something about the ritual…there's something she didn't tell me about it…I have a bad feeling about her state…a really bad feeling, Harry'

---

_**I have a bad feeling about Hermione and me. I know I should be avoiding her until this thing for her passes but I can't help seeing her hurt or sad.**_

**_I feel that I'm falling into this dangerous web that is to feel. The last time I was in this web I lost more than I was willing to. I got hurt, I was nearly killed…_**

_**She died in the worse way possible. I disappointed her…I hurt her deeply and I couldn't do anything.**_

**_I can't let that happen between me and Hermione. She's my friend, one of the best friends I have now. I feel free to talk to her and being with her is fun and easy. She's the funniest person I know, well, in her own way…_**

_**I care for her deeply and I was so furious when I realised that she was cursed. I was furious, I am furious. Furious with myself for not preventing it somehow…**_

_**I just want to hug her and keep her save in my arms and never let go… this is what I dreaded…I'm in love and I can't act on it.**_

**_The time we spent together this last weeks made her grow on me. _**

_**But I can't, I won't…**_

_**Harry…my age…my past…my temper…her past...her youth...her temper...**_

_**She deserves better than me and she just is not willing to see it but she will.**_

_**For now I have to control myself and keep befriending her. Know her better…**_

_**For now, Padfoot,my boy, you have to distract yourself from that beautiful woman that is Hermione…**_

_**And what better way than get a lady?**_

_**

* * *

**_

_A/N: I know it is a bit short but I will try and make it up next time._

_Thanks again for everyone who reviewed and read my fic._

_SO why have no one wondered what the curse does?? and how to finish it? _

_what about bad feelings??_

_Love, _

_Tuxita._


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